And Then It Comes To Me...Like An Epiphany...

So...I've had another one of my grand Epiphanies...*pause for dramatic intake of breath*

I was talking to my mentor the other day, lamenting on my desire to be wifed up. All my friends are getting married and/or having kids, I want a family, blah, blah, blah...
WOMP.
My mentor (who just told me a few weeks ago I might need to step out on the brothers and get a Ken, but that's another post) listened intently for a few minutes. She then declared "If I was still a card-carrying member of the the Black Mothers' Caucus, I'd slap you!" (Why she is no longer a member is also another post, LOL) She went on, "you have everything you need at this point in life! You have been successful, you don't have any babies tying you down...you are FREE to do as you wish! And all you can fuss about is having a husband?! You are crazy!!"

This made me think, like REALLY think. Was I ready to get married? The answer was a resounding NO. I can't even stand house guests for longer than 2-3 days! How I'mma live with a man day in, day out, for the rest of my life?!?! LOL
I think I'm afraid to be alone. Its funny, cause my mother lived with a man for 15 years that she DID NOT END UP MARRYING. When I asked her why she kicked "Daddy" (man that raised me, but not my mother's ex-husband/my birth father) to the curb, she said, "it wasn't really what I wanted. I just didn't want to be by myself."

Damn, I get more and more like mama everyday...

BUT, I refuse to do that. I'm not gonna subject someone to my mess for YEARS only to figure out I'm not ready.
At this juncture, I just need to figure out how to not be lonely. And I need to internalize ('cause I already "know" it)that married with kids does not equal happiness, nor does single equal lonely.

"I think I'm just about ova being yo' girlfriend....I'm LEAVING...I'm leaving...
YAHZ.

Hell YAHZ to this!!!

This just gave me PURE OXYGEN! iLIVE!

I've BEEN saying this...I can't WAIT to find a man that will be worthy to let me submit to him...

Ms. Cooper just LAID IT THE HELL OUT!! iLOVE it!

Part 1:


Part 2:

What a Week...

This is not a positive post, so feel free to click the "X" in the corner of your browser.
I just feel so...blah!


Like, I have so much going on, and I'm truly blessed. I realize that.
But I'm not happy.
I hate to whine, I really do. but...
I WANNA BOO! *whiny kid voice*
I'm tired of my only companionship being my girlfriends. And I'm not trying to just settle mind you. I want someone thats REAL and ready for the type of relationship that I want to have. Someone that measures up to my expectations.

I have a male "friend" (meaning he wants to bone, but I'm not having it)that wants to "be with me" (translation=have a lot of sex, maybe possibly make me his girlfriend. SMDH), but I won't give that fool the time of day in a clock shop. Why, you may ask? Sure hes an employed, mobile, educated individual. Moderately attractive and TALL to boot. (y'all know I like dem tall boys)
So why no dice? This man has 2 children. By 2 different women. And I'm sorry, that's not a row I'm tryinta hoe. Its too tuff. Plus, he doesn't want to get married for another 5 years or more. WTF!?! I broke it down for him this way:
-I will be tethered to the NE. If I'm with you, you aren't gonna be moving farther than DC. I want SOUTH of the Mason Dixon sir. No bueno!
-What am I sposed to do while your life plan catches up to mine? I want to be married by 30 at the LATEST; you are already 31 and you tombout another 5 YEARS?!?! So I suppose if I want babies, I gotta be baby mama #3 and just keep my fingers cross that you'll marry my ass, when based on your track record, that ain't happening? o_O
-If by chance all thhatACTUALLY DOES work out, I can't think about just my kids, I gotta think about ALL the kids. I can't just send mine to private school; its not fair to the others. I gotta think about 2 extra gifts at Christmas, 2 additional birthday parties to plan a year...we gotta schedule vacations around our kids' breaks AND when you get visitation...not my idea of fun sir!
Now I'm a bad guy for thinking this way, but men discriminate against women with kids ALL THE TIME. That Guy (Atlanta Guy) and I have discussed this as length. He makes a great point: I've done all I've done and made it this far without any children, why should I have to deal with someone else's mistake for the rest of MY life?
Am I to think if I'm going t have a quality companion, I've gotta to deal with this? SMDH. *wall slide*

I hate happy mofos like this right now. *sigh*

Single, B*#9:y Rant

Okay...

Before I start, please know I don't often do the "woe is me, I'm single" thing. I dig being independent, and although I wish I had companionship other than my female friends, I know I'm not quite ready to get married, so I cope well w/the in-between.

THAT BEING SAID...

What da fukk is up Philly men!? I mean, is it so hard to hang out w/ an attractive woman and not have sex? Thusfar, that's the only conclusion I can find. All I want is a decent date! Case in point: I've been to World Cafe Live twice, 2 different concerts, and numerous other "I see couples every-damn-where" events...either by myself or w/a female friend. WTF!? Y'all don't like music?

And for men reading this, no, I don't mean take me out, pay for the whole shebang, and get nuthin in return. I got my own tix, meal, etc. I just want a male friend! I need to disrupt all this damn estrogen w/ some testoterone, feel me?

Apparently this is a foreign concept. Ninjas up here either wanna fukk, "hang out", which consists of you hanging out @ my apt waiting for me to say you can fukk, or they want to boo you up-and when you say no, they wanna be friends and "see what happens" (see the definition of hang out)! What happened to being friends!? I mean, I'm not from here, so my experience is skewed. In the South, you meet cool people and its not about tryinta bone. If the chemistry is there for both people, cool, but if not, folks are content to go out w/ no romantic entanglements. Shoot, I've intro'd guys friends down south to girlfriends, and they are still together! (Call me Cupidette!)

So what the deal Philly men? I'm tired of flying solo...as I type I'm surrounded by couples AGAIN, and I fear the wives of these men may jump me! Won't anyone join me for a date!?

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

“Reason, Season, Lifetime”
Aleksandra Lachut
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I've lost another young lady I considered a friend...
And I'm a bit bummed, but at the same time I recognize that I may have been her blessing, for her season....and now that's over.
I'mma keep pushing, doing me and making moves...and I wish her the best!

Woe is Me! (Requiem for the Black Marriage)

70% of African American women are single.
Like, WTH? I mean, I knew there were a lot of us. In the groups I travel in, we are educated (all of us have an undergraduate degree, most of us have some other letters after our name--MBA, PhD, JD DD, etc) and all of us are single. I can look at my family, and of my living female relatives (mother, grandmother, surviving aunt, and 3 cousins) only ONE is married. But I know us, we are great people, and we will make fabulous wives. (heck, I cook, clean, sew, love kids and I gotta job! What more can a man want!!?? LOL)

I saw this clip with Oprah giving reasons why so many of us are single:

70% of african american women are single

I have to say, I don't think it has a lot to do with brothas dating outside the race. I mean, I see it, it happens, but I don't count that as a cause; perhaps an effect of the real reasons.

My experience has given me 2 learnings:
1.) Many black men are intimidated by a woman that doesn't need him to "take care of her", and thus they don't feel useful; and
2.) Some of us are so busy waving our I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T woman flag, we unintentionally (or sometimes intentionally) cut brothas down.

Men, just because I make a decent living and can change a tire, doesn't mean I don't need you. I need you! I need you to love me, encourage me, make me laugh and hold my hand. I need you to be equally yoked. I need you to be the father of my children, to teach my boys to be men and teach my little girls what a good man looks like. I need you.

Women, I'm proud of us. We got the degree, got the job. We drive a nice car, and we own a home. We have savings and we did it all before we got married. But does that mean you don't need a man? What good is all that success if you have no one to share it with? And I'm sorry, there are just somethings your family and your girlfriends can't give you, ok? Needing a man doesn't make you weak, so stop acting like you have to "surrender" to be in a relationship. And its great to be proud of your success, but don't throw it in every man that you meet's face! He can be proud of you without you trying to make him feel inferior.

IDK, what do you all think?
Drop ya thoughts in that text box below.

Love, Peace, and Soul!
T

Two Scoops of Crazy

Lotsa folks say you are who you attract...
I'mma get myself checked with a psychologist, cause I seem to have a magnet in my booty that attracts crazy people!

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiFwWMsPzlDnimYeKICepmHG4jPeCtdfFBMpiQ0-Pw2lSlwr8y-iG7qBJmgdJGHpVG38_CHsPqokvUgF_NvopXIRQuBAqjCbIVv9NYuINz1PCed3xkwGKUUXhayRLi2teXPpGK/s400/crazy-man.jpg

Case in point, I was sorta involved with this dude, we'll call him NavyGuy. Well, he fell into sorryazzzmanmode and stood me up for a weekend. This pissed me off to no end, cause he was not really apologetic or anything. I felt like if you didn't think it was wrong you would do it again, and I told him as much.
Meanwhile, I started chatting with this other dude, we'll call him CaliGuy. Good looking, no kids, not a bum, and we seemed to vibe. Convo was great, but it seemed it was too good to be true...'specially when he started talkin about visiting. *raised eybrow*
Well, it all came to a head one day in a seemingly innocent convo. I was complaining about some ticket trouble (damn you, IPD *shakin' fist*) and he just...BLEW UP.
Like, I suspect if I hadda been in the room, his head would have done a full 360 and green bile would have flew out! I was like WTFJH!?!? Like, at what point did you become this sexist, chauvinistic, jerky dude? IDK...I hung up tout de suite and haven't talk to him since.
I guess I was hoping that after NavyGuy dissapointing me that a guy could really be as good as advertised...don't want to lose that optimism, you know? But IDK...think I might be better off focusing on my career and what I'm supposed to accomplish and not on the business of companionship.
~DOS~
T

Prunin' My Universe

So, anyone that knows me, knows I have a philosphy on friendship. I'm the sun, and the planets in there different orbits are the level of friendship upon which you operate.




You a Mercury/Venus/Earth orbit friend, we are very close and I confide in you regularly. You a Jupiter/Saturn friend, we may hang out, but you don't get the dirt, and so on and so forth.
Well, as of late, I'm noticing that there are a lot of friends around Neptune and Pluto...or folks that should be in a whole 'nother galaxy altogether! I'm not sure how this happened, but I've realized there are a lot of folks that might not even piss on me if I were on fire, and they are takin' up spots in my solar sytem.
Part of this is my fault, 'cause damn my sweet heart, I like to believe if you show folks love, and be the kind of person that other people want to care about, they will.

NOT TRUE. Especially not in Philly.

The men and women in the City of Brotherly Love and Sisterly Affection will MILK YOU DRY and KEEP GOING. Some of the people I've met are like locusts. And I've been like a big uncovered crop of corn before the harvest.

So, part of this pruning is me learning not to care so much about folks until they do something or show me some reason to care. I've also got to learn that I can't be concerned with everyone that crosses my path...I think I get lonely up here, and I want to give folks more than what they deserve. That makes me a mark. A sucker. And I can't go out like that.
So we 'bout to take this thang herr down a notch. No more calling folks I ain't talked to to check on them. No more "I was just wondering what you have been up to" texts. If we ain't talked in forever, you are going outward. If we wouldn't talk if I didn't initiate it, you can head to the Andromeda galaxy homie. Kick intergalactic rocks, I can't be bothered! Good riddance.

Love, Peace and Soul,
T

Christine Hassler: How To Spring Clean Your Relationship

Just spreading some thought people...carry on....

Christine Hassler: How To Spring Clean Your Relationship

Posted using ShareThis

Dude, are you serious??!

It could just be me...y'all know I's a Southern gal, and I live up here in Philly. Now, I can accept cultural and gerographical difference and preference, (the "Philly beard", the "jawn" and all matters of whatnot)but at what point is it just straight up backwards??

Case in point, there's a cat I've been chatting with, we'll call him Locs(most beautiful locs you eva wanna SEE on a man, chile!). 33, never married, no kids, good job...I suppose I should be jumping for joy...eh. Anywho, this cat is real extra with the terms of endearment from jump street (I'm baby on the first date?!?! WTF), and forthcoming with other shows of affection...not exactly being fresh, but that territory's about a stones' throw away, ya dig? Furthermore, he's always asking to see me, but never initiates REAL plans (at my age, chillin at yo house watchin cable is not a great date. After we chill a few times is different, but I'm still getting to know you playa! You could be crazy!). He wants me to do all the work (where, when, what time)

I had a talk with him, and he was like, "that's how dudes in Philly are. That's how we let you know we are feelin you." "And you know, I feel like, if you want to kick it with me, you'll make plans to see me."



DA HAYLE?

Lemme get this straight: you want me to be baby and boo and love and ish, but you can't call me up and say 'lets go to dinner?' I don't think so homie...WOMP WOMP!! Methinks I will be doing a LOT of outta state dating if this is all that Philly is bringing...I canNOT be bothered.

Love, Peace and Nappiness,
T

The 10 Definitions of What Every Woman Wants

Written by L. Jermiane Copyright 2007 through 2008

1. Touch Without Motive: This is when you can simply touch your woman with no hidden intention, and nothing sexual as the motive. When you can walk up behind your woman and gently massage her shoulders while you place a soft kiss upon her cheek right before you whisper "Good morning". That in itself will cause that woman to want, need, and desire you in a way that only "sexual" touching cannot. We as men have to learn how to hold, caress, and comfort our women with the strength of our arms and warmth of our masculinity. Your woman should be able to simply lie with and/or under you without being mauled 5 minutes later. Emotional touch yields far better results than sexual touch alone.

2. Attention Without Obligation: Attention without obligation is the most simple to form as habit out of all the definitions I present. Basically it means to be attentive to your woman without feeling that you have to be. Men tend to show affection and/or some form of attention after a heated discussion has taken place as to why he doesn't already. This will last until the effects of the discussion wear off, and then he's back to his normal way of response. It is in a man's nature to show real attention to and passion for those things which are most important to him. We pay attention our favorite sports although we have no obligation to the team, yet we can't pay that same degree of attention to our women just because they deserve it? I question why that is.

3. A Safe Place Without Worry: Our culture has produced women who have become strong, independent, self-sufficient, and very well capable of handling their own business and taking care of themselves, without a man to do so for her. Times have definitely changed over the past 50 years and the June Cleavers of the world are a dying breed, although they still exist, and I respectfully commend the homemakers. I say all of that to say that still, no matter how self sufficient and/or successful, every woman desires to have someone there, that she has enough trust invested in, that she can run to and find escape from the stresses of her day to day life. A quiet and serene atmosphere, equipped with dinner, a bubble bath, and a peaceful night's sleep in your arms is sometimes all that woman needs to feel safe, and without fear, anxiety, or worry.

4. A Point of "Weakness" Without Concern: Women are the strongest of all of God's creations, and we know this, rather we admit to it or not. The feminine nature has a tolerance for pain that far surpasses any level that a man can imagine. This strength is not always present in the physical sense of build and/or muscle mass. This strength is more prevalent in a woman's capabilities physically and emotionally. From child birth, to monthly menstruation, to dealing with heartache, single motherhood, and so many other things that women tend to face more often than the average man does. With that in mind, commend your woman on being strong but also be strong enough to be her point of weakness when she needs you to be. All it takes is you being there, and her knowing that no matter what she may face and/or have to be concerned with, she has a man she can run to, let her guards down with, release her weary soul into, and find refreshment with. Women thirst for men who are strong enough to handle and take care of her when she feels the need to be weak, looked after, and cared for a little more than the normal amount of "caring" on any given day.

5. Prayer Without Ceasing: I believe that a woman admires and esteems a man who knows how to pray over her, and their family if they share one together. This is neither a question of religion nor a question of the god that you may serve. This simply means that you should know how to go before the Lord in prayer for your woman and family. To simply lay your hands upon your woman's head, right before she wakes and right after she lies down to sleep, and say a soft prayer is an amazing feeling for that woman to experience. Some women have never experienced it, and therefore they won't understand this point. But there is truth to it, and once it is experienced her love for you will blossom immensely. And just a side note; for a woman to see you lay your hands upon the head of a child who was fathered by another man, who may or may not be in the picture, is a most beautiful sight to behold. For that, she will fall even deeper for you. For you to take the accountability upon yourself, before God, for a child that's not yours by the standpoint of blood, will soften that woman's heart for you to degrees I cannot even comprehend. I just know it to be true.

6. Compassion Without Question: A woman should never have to question rather or not her man has compassion for her. Compassion is not love, compassion is not "deep sex", and compassion is not sacrificial. Now compassion does involve love because it is birthed from it, but it goes beyond love, not to say that it's stronger, it's just different from it. Deep, slow, melodic sex has nothing to do with compassion, although compassion can lead you to that. Sacrifice is with reason, compassion must come without it. Compassion is a man's ability to cry with and for his woman when she's hurting. Compassion is noticing that your woman is hurting without her even telling you. Compassion is the two of you sharing such an emotional connection that God himself speaks to you concerning her well being. Compassion is having a heart that feels your woman's heart rather close or from a distance. Compassion is when you can feel that woman in your very soul, and the feeling causes you to cry because of the depth in which you understand her, and thus understand yourself.

7. Passion, Foreplay, and MorePlay: Most women, not all, require more than the act of sex to be completely satisfied. The act of sex can be a beautiful experience rather intense or soft, extreme or normal, fast or with a slower pace. The atmosphere and acts surrounding the actual intercourse mean so much more than the intercourse itself. My own personal definition of intercourse is the act if entering into a course of pleasure that will ultimately blow that woman's very mind, each and every time. When you involve passion, foreplay, and moreplay the act of sex becomes addictive to a point that she will crave you, desire you, want you, need you, and chase that ultimate high every time that she is with you. And it is your responsibility as a man to supply that high and so many others every time she shares her body with you. When a woman has sex with you she allows you to enter into her, and that in itself is a privilege that we as men take for granted. Just think about it for a moment; a woman is allowing you to enter into her. That indeed is amazing to me. Therefore you have to be passionate with and attentive to her body, utilize the elements of foreplay and stimulating all of her senses. Moreplay is simple; take her beyond your orgasm. It's selfless and not selfish. Meaning, do not let the scene conclude just because you have an orgasm. Take her further and allow her the pleasure and opportunity of sweet surrender to those sexual things unfamiliar.

8. For You To Just Listen: This is self explanatory, and so easy to accomplish yet we as men tend to have a problem mastering this act. Sometimes all your woman wants is for you to listen. Give her your ear, undivided attention, and patience as she talks with you about anything from how her day went to where she feels she is going as a woman, to where she sees your relationship headed. If more men took the time to listen to our women, we would better understand them, value them, esteem them, and our women would be much happier than they are. All it takes is you listening to her, responding when you need to or not at all if she doesn't need you to. It is possible to listen without response, and sometimes that works best. Sometimes all she needs to do is vent, so let her.

9. Responsibility Without Conflict: This one is age-old and most needed in today's relationships. Men, and I use the term loosely with this definition, have become lazy and we have become more caught up in hip hop fantasies, and video games than we are in being a responsible, hard working, and mature man. Men lack responsibility from the simplest things like taking out the trash, cutting the grass, and washing the dishes, to the more serious issues such as providing financial stability, emotional security, and taking care of your children rather you are with that woman or not. What happened to us, as men? And where have all the real men disappeared to? The men who know how and when to be aggressive. The men who know when it's time to compromise and when it's time to be immovable. The men who know how to be soft, sensitive, and attentive, but they also know how to take charge, and take care of home. Why is there a conflict between men and women when a woman questions our lack of real responsibility?

10. Love, Without Condition: Love without condition is the most powerful form of love there is. In today's society we use the word love too loosely, and we don't really mean it when we say it. Love without condition is the hardest form to master because human nature tells us to hold grudges, be unforgiving, cheat when not satisfied, and be all for self. There is no greater feeling to experience, but there is no harder emotion to develop. We tend to be too cynical and judgmental at times to develop this form of love. Love without condition overpowers our very nature in the fact that you will die for that person if you have to, and you will live for that person because you want to.

Game Ova

Current mood: quixotic ( I don't know what it means, but it looks cool!!)
A good friend of mine and I had a convo the other day. When I asked her about a certain gentleman that she had dated, loved, lost, reconciled with--well, you get the picture--before she got married, she said something so profound (at least in my mind) I had to write about it. She said that her being so crazy over him was like an obsession with a video game. She really thought it was love, or some close manifestation, when it actually was her desire to win--him being the prize. She kept playing, over and over, trying to get him to do what she wanted him to do--which in her case, was to fall back in love with her. However, once she realized what she was doing, she just quit. Its like, do you really want this person, or do you just want to say you won? She just wanted to win, and when she realized that, she gave up the game.

Now me...in a similar situation...I'm calling match. As much as I'm ticked that he can even provoke me to write something like this, its gotta be done. I quit. I played that game because I wanted to be with someone that had all the points on my checklist. But I forgot a few (silly me!). Like courage, and honesty, not just a big stiff one.

So that's it. Not gonna be friends, cutty buddies, a couple. Nunna dat.
~TWOS~