And Then It Comes To Me...Like An Epiphany...

So...I've had another one of my grand Epiphanies...*pause for dramatic intake of breath*

I was talking to my mentor the other day, lamenting on my desire to be wifed up. All my friends are getting married and/or having kids, I want a family, blah, blah, blah...
WOMP.
My mentor (who just told me a few weeks ago I might need to step out on the brothers and get a Ken, but that's another post) listened intently for a few minutes. She then declared "If I was still a card-carrying member of the the Black Mothers' Caucus, I'd slap you!" (Why she is no longer a member is also another post, LOL) She went on, "you have everything you need at this point in life! You have been successful, you don't have any babies tying you down...you are FREE to do as you wish! And all you can fuss about is having a husband?! You are crazy!!"

This made me think, like REALLY think. Was I ready to get married? The answer was a resounding NO. I can't even stand house guests for longer than 2-3 days! How I'mma live with a man day in, day out, for the rest of my life?!?! LOL
I think I'm afraid to be alone. Its funny, cause my mother lived with a man for 15 years that she DID NOT END UP MARRYING. When I asked her why she kicked "Daddy" (man that raised me, but not my mother's ex-husband/my birth father) to the curb, she said, "it wasn't really what I wanted. I just didn't want to be by myself."

Damn, I get more and more like mama everyday...

BUT, I refuse to do that. I'm not gonna subject someone to my mess for YEARS only to figure out I'm not ready.
At this juncture, I just need to figure out how to not be lonely. And I need to internalize ('cause I already "know" it)that married with kids does not equal happiness, nor does single equal lonely.

"I think I'm just about ova being yo' girlfriend....I'm LEAVING...I'm leaving...
YAHZ.

I Am Changing....

I have done the IMPOSSIBLE. (in my own mind)

I have been accepted to law school.

*insert Leyomi drops, p-poppin and other inappropriate jigs here*

I'm proud of myself, one for actually doing it, but even more so for FOLLOWING THROUGH. I fall short on that sometimes.

I was in the car and I was listening to the Dreamgirls soundtrack (#dontjudgeme) and that song that Effie sings when she finally starts to get her life together came on...#13...I AM Changing.

Look at me, Look at me
I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I'll be better than I am

YAHZ!!!

Then she sings:

I am changing
I'll get my life together now
I am changing
Yes I know how
I'm gonna start again
I'm gonna leave my past behind
I'll change my life
I'll make a vow and nothings gonna stop me now

THIS IS ME!!!!!

Nothing is gonna stop me now!! *fist pump*

Hell YAHZ to this!!!

This just gave me PURE OXYGEN! iLIVE!

I've BEEN saying this...I can't WAIT to find a man that will be worthy to let me submit to him...

Ms. Cooper just LAID IT THE HELL OUT!! iLOVE it!

Part 1:


Part 2:

A Whole Lot Going On!

I've been mad busy.

No, really.

Its doesn't make any sense for someone to have as much going on as I do, yet have no real social life to speak of. *SMDH*

This year, I've applied to several law schools (c'mon EMORY!!!)

I've committed to working out (avg is 4X/week. Sometimes I go more)

I'm trying to step up my already active role in a few organizations I belong to.

I've been Twitterin' my azz off. (Add me. I'm HILARIOUS!)

I've tried to go out with a few guys...not having much luck with that one. *kanye shrug*

I've been part-time counseling a good friend that may be going through a divorce soon. (Is it bad that I kinda enjoy it? Not the idea that he's splitting from his wife, the idea of helping him get on his feet. Although she irks my spirit a lil' bit, so I may take a teeny, tiny, minuscule amount of pleasure in seeing her suffer. #DJM)

I party, I bullshit...meh. #NotReally

Oh, and I've been working like an original Hebrew! I'm FINALLY getting some recognition on the job, and I'm actually getting a bonus and a pay increase, effective tomorrow. (PAAAAARRRRTAAAY!!!! *Harlem shakes in chair* *Brother Franklin-esque Chair scoot at work*)

I wonder what they gon' do when I BOUNCE UP OUT THIS BIA?!?! *evil laugh*

So...yeah, I gots a whole lotta erythang goings on...

Keep an eye on ya girl! In 2010, get with me or GET RUN OVA! POW!

Yeah yeah yeah....

Hey folks!

I know I've been ghost. Its been an interesting end and beginning of a/the year for moi...

Its amazing to me that the older I get, the more I realize I know absolutely NOTHING.

Like, men BAFFLE me. Not knowing what the future holds for me is STILL mad upsetting. There are days when I ave it together and there there are days that I couldn't tell you if I was coming or going...

Yea, I'm a big ole' ball of confusion.

I guess this is supposed to be apart of growing up. I figure this part shoulda BEEN done by now tho! I'm 27 effin years old! Sheesh.

Ah well. Happy New Year and all that jazz...

#kanyeshrug,

T-Beezy

So Much To Say...PT 1

Seems like I'm always doing "catch up" posts...
Which is really a hot mess, cause I'm always tombout how I have no social life. LOL

So now we gotta cover a gang of life occurences in one post...here goes!

First, I have to pay homage to the late great King of Pop, Michael Jackson. I know a lot of folks are mourning, some that really just jumped on the bandwagon cause its the story du moment, but I genuinely loved MJ. The first song I ever sang to my mother was Ben. One of the few happy memories I have with my real father is Saturdays (when he actually did come to get me) watchin Moonwalker with my cousins, imitating the moves. I was always Michael. :) I almost had that Dancing Machine dance sequence PERFECT! Ona my favs to this day...along with Goin' Back To Indiana!! (c'mon now...I grew up there! Gimme a break!)
Since I'm mad late on his death (June 25) and his public service is tmw (July 7) @ the Staple Center, I'mma refer to summa my fave bloggers so you can appreciate their stories about how Mike touched them. I concur with all of them!
RIP Michael Jackson, by a Belle in Brooklyn
Celebrating an Icon: Michael Jackson 1958-2009, by One Fourth Random

Finally...Rest King of Pop and Remarkable, by Davidisms

RIP MJJ...I know you, Aaliyah, Left Eye, Rick James, James Brown, Ray Charles and many other great musicians are up there having a GREAT TIME!

Now...
On to the FUCKERY...
The BET AWARDS.
Wow. I mean, I don't know whether to laugh hysterically at the antics or cry for my people. I think I did both. It did have its high points. Jamie and Martin in "Stank Robbers", a hat-less Ne-yo performing "She's Out of My Life", in tribute to MJ, and the O'Jays showin da young bucks how its done in their set.
My problem was...well...
WHERE DA FUKK WAS THE BIG MJ TRIBUTE?!?!
I mean, they pubbed it soo big; CNN was on their red carpet! Let's be for real here, I would say 75% of the folx that watched would not have seen it @ all if we hadn'ta been looking for a proper tribute from the ONLY BLACK Entertainment channel on TV. Hayle, I don't watch BET any other time! The foolywang that passes for quality programming there...SMDH. (How you gonna have a show called College Hill where the ninjas don't go to class!?!?!)
And then...
Aside from leavin MJ nearly totally out in the cold...I have 6 folx in particular that rubbed me the wrong way...
Tiny & Toya, Frankie & Neffe, and Lil' Wayne & Drake.
W...T...F????

The wacktastic programming about baby's mamas and relatives of stars?? Huh?
And Drake, boo...I know you are popular. But you are still new, and you shouldn't let folx herd you off the cliff! Wayne?? SMDH. Why you got your daughter and her friends on stage during a song in which you tombout fukkin ery girl in da world!?!?
What matter of COONERY was this!?!?!
Again, I'm late, so I'mma share some posts by some of my fave bloggers... special shouts out to MissJia for the video post...she was GANGSTA!

BET, What Can I Do To Help, By One Fourth Random

Dear BET: Comment about the “Tribute”, by Davidisms

BET Awards Open Thread #1, BET Awards Open Thread #2, and BET Awards Decompression Thread, by Jack & Jill Politics

Miss Jia + BET Awards Thoughts (LATE), By Miss Jia

More lata...I guess I gotta pretend to work. LOL

Love, MyzT

Prioritizing my Life

Okay...
So, I've decided that Philly is not the biz for da kid.
I've been here since January 13th, 2007. I've had 5 jobs, with 3 companies.
I've moved 3 times. I've gone on countless outings with "friends" (I use that term loosely, 'cause I really never connected solidly with anyone here that I didn't know before I moved here), numerous dates, and one "relationship" ( I use that term loosely, 'cause that clown had an ex-girlfriend that wasn't an ex).
I hate the traffic, I hate the attitude. I don't care for cheesesteak and I'm SOOO over the Philly beard.
So, now that the decision has been made, its time to do something about it.
I'm looking at LSAT courses. I figure if I can take it in September, I can start applying for 2010. I figure if I can't break into the job market where I wanna be, I'll go back to school there. I can at least be local then. I got to do something y'all. Philly is driving me crazy!

Getting my life togetha!!

So I said like a year ago I was going to write in this thing more...

Clearly, a dayum shame.

So, this is me, writing. I must say, I found myself inspired by some of the other fabulous blogs I've read on here. Shouts out to Rantings of a Rebella, Renaissance Black Woman, and Chile Please. These ladies speak the truth!

So taking a cue from them, I'm gonna explore this bloggin thang. I got some thangs I wanna put into the universe, like....

...I needs to get on my grind with this working out thang. Since last July, I've gained about 15 pounds!

LAWD hep me!!!

I bought a Cardio Twister (C) and am committed to working out. I'm starting with the first week; if I can work out for a week straight, I can build on that. One week, two weeks, 3 weeks...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE A HABIT!!!!

I'm on day 3; so in the words of Madagascar...

I gotta MOVE IT MOVE IT!!!

I'm trying to get right with this lifestyle change. That's right, I said it. Diets don't work...it only took me 10 years to figure it out. Its simple really...I did it when I was in college, albeit unintentionally. Eat good stuff at regular intervals, drink water and exercise. The cafe was about a quarter mile away, it was HOT AS HAYLE in the Tally-Ho, and the food was so NARSTY, all I ate for my entire freshman year was salad and rice...with some chicken on occasion. On top of that, I ran on the track 3 times a week, cause I was so scurred of the freshman fifteen. LOL...nobody told me about the Senior 17, the post grad 24 or the gotta desk job 35...SMDH.

I'mma git rat doe!

Peace and Blessings,
T