And Then It Comes To Me...Like An Epiphany...

So...I've had another one of my grand Epiphanies...*pause for dramatic intake of breath*

I was talking to my mentor the other day, lamenting on my desire to be wifed up. All my friends are getting married and/or having kids, I want a family, blah, blah, blah...
WOMP.
My mentor (who just told me a few weeks ago I might need to step out on the brothers and get a Ken, but that's another post) listened intently for a few minutes. She then declared "If I was still a card-carrying member of the the Black Mothers' Caucus, I'd slap you!" (Why she is no longer a member is also another post, LOL) She went on, "you have everything you need at this point in life! You have been successful, you don't have any babies tying you down...you are FREE to do as you wish! And all you can fuss about is having a husband?! You are crazy!!"

This made me think, like REALLY think. Was I ready to get married? The answer was a resounding NO. I can't even stand house guests for longer than 2-3 days! How I'mma live with a man day in, day out, for the rest of my life?!?! LOL
I think I'm afraid to be alone. Its funny, cause my mother lived with a man for 15 years that she DID NOT END UP MARRYING. When I asked her why she kicked "Daddy" (man that raised me, but not my mother's ex-husband/my birth father) to the curb, she said, "it wasn't really what I wanted. I just didn't want to be by myself."

Damn, I get more and more like mama everyday...

BUT, I refuse to do that. I'm not gonna subject someone to my mess for YEARS only to figure out I'm not ready.
At this juncture, I just need to figure out how to not be lonely. And I need to internalize ('cause I already "know" it)that married with kids does not equal happiness, nor does single equal lonely.

"I think I'm just about ova being yo' girlfriend....I'm LEAVING...I'm leaving...
YAHZ.