Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Woe is Me! (Requiem for the Black Marriage)

70% of African American women are single.
Like, WTH? I mean, I knew there were a lot of us. In the groups I travel in, we are educated (all of us have an undergraduate degree, most of us have some other letters after our name--MBA, PhD, JD DD, etc) and all of us are single. I can look at my family, and of my living female relatives (mother, grandmother, surviving aunt, and 3 cousins) only ONE is married. But I know us, we are great people, and we will make fabulous wives. (heck, I cook, clean, sew, love kids and I gotta job! What more can a man want!!?? LOL)

I saw this clip with Oprah giving reasons why so many of us are single:

70% of african american women are single

I have to say, I don't think it has a lot to do with brothas dating outside the race. I mean, I see it, it happens, but I don't count that as a cause; perhaps an effect of the real reasons.

My experience has given me 2 learnings:
1.) Many black men are intimidated by a woman that doesn't need him to "take care of her", and thus they don't feel useful; and
2.) Some of us are so busy waving our I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T woman flag, we unintentionally (or sometimes intentionally) cut brothas down.

Men, just because I make a decent living and can change a tire, doesn't mean I don't need you. I need you! I need you to love me, encourage me, make me laugh and hold my hand. I need you to be equally yoked. I need you to be the father of my children, to teach my boys to be men and teach my little girls what a good man looks like. I need you.

Women, I'm proud of us. We got the degree, got the job. We drive a nice car, and we own a home. We have savings and we did it all before we got married. But does that mean you don't need a man? What good is all that success if you have no one to share it with? And I'm sorry, there are just somethings your family and your girlfriends can't give you, ok? Needing a man doesn't make you weak, so stop acting like you have to "surrender" to be in a relationship. And its great to be proud of your success, but don't throw it in every man that you meet's face! He can be proud of you without you trying to make him feel inferior.

IDK, what do you all think?
Drop ya thoughts in that text box below.

Love, Peace, and Soul!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Catch Up pt 2 (condensed)

Okay, so I had all intentions of doing a whole post about my baby sis' graduation and the trip to GA. NGH. (Not Gonna Happen) Not enough time in the day chile. Gots to keep it moving.

We'll just say that lil sis' graduated from HS, she's on her way to college in the fall, and I got some much needed familybondingtime with the sibs. Fan-freakin-tabulous.

I also saw a man. The man. Everybody has the story about the one that got away. We'll just call him AtlantaGuy. We started our on and off affair many years ago when he was at FSU and I was at FAMU. I think I want to love him, but my brain won't let me....but that's a whole nother post.

Then there was the unexpected, yet DREADFUL and educational visit from CaliGuy. I know, I know...I knew he was CRAZY, but me a hopeless sucker that want's to believe the best about people=STUPID.

Needless to say, this visit was not pleasant. I have never met such a vain, unintelligient, chauvinistic,, I could keep going for DAYZ, ya'll. This dude was OFF THE DAMN RICHTER. Totally helpless, he was also a liar and a thief. (He stole my digital camera, my external hard TV REMOTE and DETACHABLE SHOWERHEAD?!?! GTFOH!!!)

I've been doing a lot of introspection these days, and several lessons came outta this (bear with me, 'cause some of this is SFO-Statement of the Fuckin' Obvious; I'm recording them for prosperity) :

1.) Meeting someone for the first time when they come to visit you is NOT a good idea;
2.) Facebook and Myspace are the not acceptable to "get to know" someone, only to interact with people you have already met;
3.) If something sounds to good to be true, not only is it NOT true, its 1000 times worse than you could possibly imagine;

And finally, God has a quirky sense of humor. He will give you what you think you want, just so you can see the benefits of what you have, so you can appreciate who you know that much more.

In the words of Alicia Keys:

Peace peeps!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Official Catch Up, Pt 1

Okay y'all...
Backspin to Memorial Day weekend. That's about where I left my life off at the blog. (Was that proper English? Methinks not!)

So I had finished the big meeting @ the job, and I felt like I deserves some R&R! Southwest was having some cheap flights, so I started looking and bango! Got a ticket to NC for $150 RT! YEEEEAAAHHHH!

I had to go y'all. My bestest friend in da WWW lives there, with his wife and 2 kids. (Yes, my BF is male; he was also my HS sweetheart, but that's another blog.) I hadn't seen them in 2 YEARS!!! My goddbabies were growing up, and I was missing it!

I hadn't seen Nyana since she was about 4 (she's gonna be 7 this year!)

and the last time I saw Makeda...welll...she was still on the titty. LOL

So I was overdue. I just wasn't prepared tho y'all!! My babies are...well, not babies anymore!!

Sniff, sniff...
Plus it was good to see my peeps. My boy and his wife have their issues, but they are a happy family. A young black woman with a resposnible, hard working, educated young black man! And they are MARRIED! With kids!!! I love it...I swear, the media acts like it JUST CANT HAPPEN!!!

I've told them many times, they are my hope. They beat the odds. When she got preggers in college, they stayed together, and they both graduated WITH HONORS! I was in their wedding. I was the Best Woman...heehehe, it was actually in the program!

I just hope I can meet one like my BMF one day....they don't make 'em like him anymore!


Miracles and Blessings,


Tuesday, June 02, 2009

What Kinda Hot Mess....SMDH....

She Said No To The Test

By Mandy Van Deven
A Laotian American teen protested No Child Left Behind and Won.

When she transfered to Storm Lake High School in Iowa from a high school in New York, Lori Phanachone indicated that she spoke a language other than English at home. As a result, the teenager, who was born in California and is a second generation Laotian American, was forced to take a basic English-proficiency exam every year or face disciplinary action.

Despite the fact that Phanachone, now 17, was seventh in her graduating high school class and has a 3.9 GPA, school officials said she was “illiterate” because she refused to continue taking the English Language Development Assessment (ELDA). They called Phanachone’s refusal “insubordination” and suspended her for three days.

After passing the test as a sophomore, Panachone was instructed to retake the exam the following year. Believing the request to be insulting, and that her 13 years of near flawless academic achievement should be proof enough of her aptitude, Panachone instead chose to sabatoge the results by filling in only C’s.

This last year when she was approached to take the test for a third time, she stepped up her game. She attended the exam but would not take out her pencil, which resulted in her being sent to speak with school administrators.

"[Assistant Principal Beau] Ruleaux told me I was 'no Rosa Parks'—that I should give up because I would not succeed in my protest," Phanachone said.

When she didn’t cave, the administrators went higher up on the food chain. Superintendent Paul Tedesco took a hardline approach; he compared Panachone’s suspension for refusing to take the test to suspending a student for not removing an offensive T-shirt at school. "When you refuse a command, that's insubordination," Tedesco responded.

Bob Schaeffer, public education director of the National Center for Fair and Open Testing, thinks it is the command itself that is problematic. "It illustrates the fixation on testing in which school bureaucrats believe the test score is more important than real performance," he says.

Schools receive additional federal funds for students who are determined to have limited English proficiency, and if a school fails to administer a test to one of those students, it risks losing that funding. But according to the Iowa Legislature’s Code, Section 280.4, Panachone does not fit the definition of having limited English proficiency, which means Storm Lake High School may well have been abusing Panachone’s indication of Loa as the primary language spoken in her home in order to obtain the extra money in the first place.

"Storm Lake labeled me an English Language Learner when I enrolled without even bothering to test me. All I want is to continue my education without the school labeling me unfairly," said Phanachone.

Despite their own potential miscategorization, administrators used scare tactics, telling Phanachone that she was at risk of losing her scholarship money for college. But the teenager’s resolve is clear: "I want to fight this because this is what I believe. It's wrong, not just for me, but for all minority students.”

Other students agreed and stepped up in her defense risking their own suspension by wearing T-shirts that read “Support Lori” and organizing a protest.

Administrators threatened to take from Phanachone other benefits of her hard work: denying her an opportunity to compete in National DECA events, participate on the track team and attend her senior prom. Despite assurances to the contrary, she received a letter stating she was kicked out the National Honors Society because she had failed to maintain the club’s "standards of scholarship, leadership, service and character." The membership was restored three days later after Khin Mai Aung, Phanachone’s lawyer from the Asian American Legal Defense and Education Fund, called for her reinstatement.

Aung is also demanding a letter from the district guaranteeing that no further punishment will be doled out to the teenager and that references to her suspension from school be removed from her school record. He insisted the district issue an explanation of how Phanachone came to be classified as an English Language Learner upon enrollment, and that it should reclassify Phanachone and other students who have been inappropriately labeled.

The latter two of these demands have now been fulfilled.
In April, Phanachone was reclassified and it is believed that she will no longer be required to take the test. The explanation given by Tedesco was weak to non-existent: “With input from various sources including the state, building level administrators and the curriculum director ... changes can be made at any time throughout a school year ... in any of our curriculum areas, which would include the ELL program.”

Phanachone is quick to clarify that this is not an attack on English as a Second Language or English Language Learner programs. "I am not against ESL programs and I am not against help that is needed. My mom does not speak English, so I know how hard a language barrier can be. But I am against discrimination," she said.

From COLORLINES The National News Magazine on Race and Politcs

Mandy Van Deven is a freelance writer and founder of the Feminist Review blog.

I know, I know...

I've been MIA...sooooo much stuff has happened since the last time I wrote, its NOT EVEN FUNNY.
Rather than take you through the rigormaroo (I'm good for using imaginary girl Mo calls it "Tamorrian" LOL) that has been my life for the last...say, 2 months all in on setting, I'm gonna do some installments on this thang...not too long, cause I get distracted and bored talkin' bout one subject! LOL
Staty Tuned!!!

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