Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Woe is Me! (Requiem for the Black Marriage)

70% of African American women are single.
Like, WTH? I mean, I knew there were a lot of us. In the groups I travel in, we are educated (all of us have an undergraduate degree, most of us have some other letters after our name--MBA, PhD, JD DD, etc) and all of us are single. I can look at my family, and of my living female relatives (mother, grandmother, surviving aunt, and 3 cousins) only ONE is married. But I know us, we are great people, and we will make fabulous wives. (heck, I cook, clean, sew, love kids and I gotta job! What more can a man want!!?? LOL)

I saw this clip with Oprah giving reasons why so many of us are single:

70% of african american women are single

I have to say, I don't think it has a lot to do with brothas dating outside the race. I mean, I see it, it happens, but I don't count that as a cause; perhaps an effect of the real reasons.

My experience has given me 2 learnings:
1.) Many black men are intimidated by a woman that doesn't need him to "take care of her", and thus they don't feel useful; and
2.) Some of us are so busy waving our I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T woman flag, we unintentionally (or sometimes intentionally) cut brothas down.

Men, just because I make a decent living and can change a tire, doesn't mean I don't need you. I need you! I need you to love me, encourage me, make me laugh and hold my hand. I need you to be equally yoked. I need you to be the father of my children, to teach my boys to be men and teach my little girls what a good man looks like. I need you.

Women, I'm proud of us. We got the degree, got the job. We drive a nice car, and we own a home. We have savings and we did it all before we got married. But does that mean you don't need a man? What good is all that success if you have no one to share it with? And I'm sorry, there are just somethings your family and your girlfriends can't give you, ok? Needing a man doesn't make you weak, so stop acting like you have to "surrender" to be in a relationship. And its great to be proud of your success, but don't throw it in every man that you meet's face! He can be proud of you without you trying to make him feel inferior.

IDK, what do you all think?
Drop ya thoughts in that text box below.

Love, Peace, and Soul!

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